I want to remove myself for a while. This weekend was long, and I did too much. I should've stayed home, I think. I enjoyed meeting new people, but I did not wake up saying, "let's do that again." No, absolutely not.

I feel muddled, distracted, annoyed. I know I'll be getting my period in the next week or so, which only adds a layer of heat that's not necessary.

We should not have gone to my bar; that was weird. It's also not my bar. But no one knew about it in the group other than me, though I don't remember bringing it up. I should have just gone home. But I didn't, and now I'm lying in my bed, overwhelmed by feelings hidden so well before this weekend. Hiding feelings is exhausting, and I don't think I was even trying to hide them. I did not have the energy to figure out what they meant and then talk about them. But I somehow found the energy to act regardless. Drinking will do that.

I am going to hide from most. I need not want them to seek me, even when I feel like I need anyone's validation. It's nice; I can't lie. But it's not required.

This morning I felt like I was falling while lying in my bed. I could not lift myself. My neck felt like it was being held down by weight from within. It was as if my throat turned to stone, or perhaps bricks - like the wall of a well. What's to be said from the bottom of it will eventually come up.

I just have to put in the work.